Interracial Dating From a Black Woman's Perspective

According to the US census bureau, the number of interracially married couples has risen from 310,000 in 1970 to 2,340,000 a few years ago. Are you surprised? I'm not. America is becoming more of a melting pot everyday. 

Another more shocking statistic however states that 70% of black women are unmarried in the US. But why? Theorists give us two reasons: 1. 40% of black males are in jail or prison and 2. Black women outnumber black males 2 to 1 on college campuses. Thus the pool of successful black men in America is very scarce. Then take away those not in your age group, don't meet your preferences, and those married to women of other races. Hmmm....sounds like the sistas are #losing in the dating game.

As someone who has dated outside of my race, I can attest to the pros and cons of getting your "swirl" on. The social stigma of interracial dating can be likened to walking outside with no underwear on. When people see mixed race couples they can't help but to stop and stare. I'd be lying to say I haven't done so once or twice in my lifetime.

But the awkwardness exponentiates when you are a black woman dating a white. asian, arab, etc. man. Black men will tell you that you are "too pretty to be with a white guy" or girls of other races will give you the stare of death for taking a dip in their race pool. The constant stares, derogatory remarks, even hateration from family members, peers, and friends is an inevitable price to pay for being a "sellout".

As a black woman, however, dating outside your race has its advantages. In general, people of other cultures are much more accepting than the black culture. Living overseas I saw how  Europeans appreciate different cultures much more than we do and infuse this into their food, beliefs, and social interactions. So why do Americans, especially blacks, have a stick up their butt?

Dating outside my race gives me a chance to bond with someone who can appreciate other cultures and ways of life as I do myself. To the eye I am a typical black woman, but my life experiences have made me into everything but. I need someone by my side who understands, appreciates, and embraces this. And unfortunately, many black men don't.

Before I get the proverbial pro "black love" blacklash, let me clear something up. I know that I am a black woman and I love myself for it. Both my parents are black and the majority of my family. Additionally, I love me a fine black man. And I will take one any day that treats me with the love and affection I desire. Please stand corrected in noting that my dating preferences are not based on color, rather someone's ability to love and accept me for who I am. More often than not, he has not been black.

Dating is like real estate. What matters is a person's location, location, location. Environmental cues determine who a person becomes, not the color of their skin. So I refuse to negotiate who I am to squeeze myself into the mold of a typical black family. I will love whoever provides me with the qualities and traits I desire without regard to their skin color. And I will teach my children the same.

 Dating outside my race as a black woman is hard, but I reap the benefits when I am connecting and bonding with someone who truly understands and appreciates me for who I am. So don't become an unmarried statistic just because you wanna be down. The world is so much bigger than race and the opportunities that you are only willing to take.